01 Jan Apologies, Admonishments & Aspirations 2022

Happy New Year gang! 2021 ended in a lackluster Omicron doozy canceling well made plans and stripping some of that holiday joy, but I had the people I love around and enjoyed this Holiday season nonetheless.

 

At this time I typically reflect on the year. Last year at this time I wrote about a few resolutions I prefer to call Aspirations and I’ve decided to take an inventory on how well I’m doing. 😳

 

My aspirations were as follows:

 

1. CONSUME LESS/PRODUCE MORE 👀

 

2. CONNECT MORE 😩

 

3. PUBLISH HIGHER QUALITY WORK 😖😖😖

 

4. ACCEPT CRITICISM AS A LEARNING OPPORTUNITY 🤐🤐

 

5. GET FOCUSED 🙄

 

So let’s see how I did shall we?

 

1. CONSUME LESS/PRODUCE MORE

 

I’ll address both Aspirations 3 Publish Higher Quality Work here as well because they affected each other.

 

I did manage to produce more work, but it was to the detriment of quality which I wanted to improve on.

 

Actually, I want to apologize about the mess I last published, A Divine Kind of Christmas. I knew it was a disaster as I was way behind. I hardly had any room to edit because I wanted to meet the Preselling date I set for myself. I pushed the date, but not far enough and as a result, the story suffers from all kinds of inconsistencies. 

 

I have since updated these errors, but it would be too late for several. Get a load of some of these gems:

 

I had described 16 gifts for what was supposed to be 12. I think I died about three times when I caught that. 😭😭😭

 

I changed a character name from Jazz, but ended up  changing the actual word Jazz in the process.

I even found an instance where I wrote U rather than you. 💀 

 

When I tell you I was a ball of mush by the time I went over it all. And to think a couple of readers actually thanked me for writing this book is low key kind of hilarious and confusing.

 

If you bought Divine Christmas on presale or read it before I updated it…I’m sorry! It was a rush job and the reviews will/are reflecting that. The people pleaser in me hates to disappoint. 

 

Either way, all I can do now is work on doing better in the hopes that I haven’t lost or turned off readers for good.

 

I’ve been holding off on getting an editor as I figure out this self publishing thing. I wanted my books to pay for the service itself and I’m right at the point where they can now. At the very least I should get a proofreader.  

 

The beauty of self publishing is that I can play with so many different ideas. I’m still honing in on my voice, and what my stories really should be. I feel like I’m in no man’s land. I don’t really write true romance though I’m trying my hand at one, and there’s too much sex and romance in my books to be simply women’s lit…I think. It sets up expectations so I have to figure this out eventually. 

 

Ultimately, I think I just need to breathe a little. I get a little impatient and want to get the story out asap! I have so many ideas, so little time, but there’s no point in producing more work if it won’t be my best.

 

For that reason, I will no longer be preselling, at least not that far in advance. When I feel the book is ready, I’ll put it up for presale for a couple days and go about it that way. 

 

I will hopefully complete these works in good time. 

 

Aspiration 2: CONNECT MORE

 

I have done a better job at connecting on social media. My antisocial tendencies off and online have never done me any favors. 

 

I’ve made some author friends and even have a few readers engaging with me…on social media!! I don’t even engage with people I know. 

 

It’s not so bad. I’ll definitely do more of that in 2022. I do more engagement than posting right now. Perhaps I’ll flip that? Maybe…😶

 

Now for Non Resolution #4…I’m still struggling yall! 

 

For the most part, I’ve learned to manage my reactions to critical reviews. I’ve learned for the most part, it really isn’t personal. Readers have their rating systems and personal opinions and if anything, they are pretty consistent. People like what they like and you can’t please everyone.

 

With that being said, I recently got hit with a disturbing review on my book, The Bluest Christmas the other day and I was blindsided by it. 

 

It’s fine that she was disappointed the book didn’t go in the way she hoped, she’s entitled to feel how she feels, I won’t even harp on the fact that she got Nola’s name wrong throughout her rant. But I took personal issues with several insinuations she made particularly about the subject of mental illness. She didn’t like how I handled it.

 

If you’ve read more than one of my books, you’ll know they all touch on mental health in some form or another. I had a brother who greatly suffered from it and it took him from us. Depression runs in my family and I have gone through mild forms of it so I write from a place of experience and some knowledge.

 

I am well aware that depression is a complicated condition. My brother’s default was depression, and yet even he had several points in his life where he was balanced on meds and went for his goals, got a job and a girlfriend and was doing relatively well. 

 

At no time did I insinuate she, the MC Lynn in my book was cured from depression by love. I know how it works. I didn’t suddenly have her skipping merrily, singing songs or feeding birds nor did her mood or personality change so drastically as to not be recognized. She was in a two year fog (longer than that being in a marriage she wasn’t happy in) that had been lifted with Nola’s presence. She had a reason to try harder and was somewhat energized by her presence…eventually. Throughout the story, I alluded to the fact that she wasn’t happy where she was in her life so it wasn’t a far stretch that as soon as she was up to it, she would make some changes.

 

Lynn was very much still on her meds and still battled herself which is supported by Nola’s story which I wrote from her perspective. The Bluest Christmas was a novella and I did move the story along rather swiftly so not everything was spelled out. I agree with that criticism, that more time could’ve been spent with them as a couple, and all those subjects I managed to touch on were simply because they couldn’t be ignored, not because I was trying to make a political point.

 

Ultimately, not everyone’s experience with depression is the same and I know that first hand. For that reason, I will always handle it with care.

 

She also felt I romanticized cheating in the book. Lynn tells her ex they were living out their truth, but that wasn’t the case for her lover. Characters can be flawed. They can cheat and murder and be bitchy and have a warped view about their actions without it being a reflection on the author. My character’s moves and thoughts are not all a declaration on how I feel or go about life personally.

 

Lastly, I think it’s weird to tell me to write less sex scenes when the book was literally categorized as erotica. I love writing intimacy and this is one advice I will not pander to. A Deja book will always include women of color who are exploring their sexuality in some shape of form, will touch on some aspect of mental health and there will most certainly always be lots of sex…where appropriate. This won’t be for everyone and that’s okay.

 

I wish the reviewer well herself as she shared she struggles as well so I know this was very personal for her. She said she was disappointed and ‘sad’ this didn’t turn out how she’d like. Sorry for that, but better some emotion than none. It means my work struck a chord of some kind. Feel all the feels be it good or bad.

 

Do I have to develop thicker skin?

 

Yes. Overall, in all aspects of my life. But I feel deeply about everything and even take on the emotion of others so I can either fight this tendency or embrace it.

 

Opinions are like buttholes, everybody’s got one, including me and I have written my fair share of critical reviews. If I can dish it, I should be able to take it. 

On several occasions, I’ve told myself, I should probably just stop reading reviews. 

😵‍💫 Pfft! Who am I kidding?! Perhaps when I reach a point where there’s too many to read, individual reviews won’t carry so much weight, good or bad. 

 

On to 5. GET FOCUSED

 

Focus is also still a struggle. I’ve got kids I homeschool…and that was pre the panaramic ponderosa. By the time I’m done with them, I just want to veg out and put my brain on sleep mode. It’s a lot. But I’ve managed to publish 7 works within 2 yrs. I’d say I’ve been pretty focused. 

 

If I decrease my TikTok consumption by 25% and increase my writing time by the same, I might actually be able to put out as much work at higher quality. 

 

LONG TERM GOALS

 

For 2022, I’ll keep these writing goals as I haven’t quite conquered them. I’ll simply double up on my efforts.

 

I’m still gunning for a best seller which was an honorable mention. A best seller for me simply means I’ve done several things right and more people are reading my work. It would stroke my fragile ego is what I’m saying. 🙄

 

I also want to try my hand at thrillers/mysteries and though they will feature queer POC, I’m not sure if I should publish them under the same name. 

 

At any rate, if you’re reading this, it means you’ve read at least one of my books and for that I am grateful that you’ve spent your precious time consuming my make believe worlds. They’re real to me and I have lived all their lives in my head.

 

May 2022 bring you closer to your own goals and thank you. 

 

Insert Shameless Plug here 😏: V Day II is set to be out sometime in 2022!

 

Read V Day here and catch up with Morgan and Tina in Irreconcilable/Morganomy. 

 

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